Low Point

Let this be known as The Low Point.

I wasn’t prepared for it, much as I thought I was getting used to the feeling of never being 100% prepared and settling for a decent-enough understanding or grade. This weekend, despite all my kicking and screaming, I hit a serious low point in balancing school and the rest of life.

A snapshot: I can’t tell which basket is clean or dirty and there are no clothes hanging in my closet; I cleaned a spoon from the sink of dishes to eat frozen leftovers I don’t remember cooking (there were tomatoes involved, so I think it was summer then); I have emailed my PI without an attachment more than once today. We have one quiz, one block exam, one final, one practical exam in the next 7 days.

4 exams in 7 days. Not to mention the friend we have visiting on Thursday, the two afternoon labs this week, and a summer research proposal I have due tomorrow. I really don’t like the sound of my own whining, but it’s what I feel like doing most of all at the end of these days.

My sister, a fourth-year awaiting her match results, remembers The Low Point of her first year, and I’m watching my colleagues slump further down in their seats as the weeks go on (or begin to not come to lectures at all). I know I’m not alone in it. But what to do about it? I’ve tried giving myself a day off (the guilt turned quickly to tears and panic), buying new pens, cooking dinner. Nothing bypasses the truth of my life right now: I have more work than I can possibly swallow and nothing is going to be exemplary, from the dishes to my hair to my exam results to calling my friends when I say I will (sorry, guys!).

I know it’ll get better. Until then, I’m hanging on, and the knowledge that these low points (I know there will be more) are worth it makes my grip even stronger.



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